I just ended a week full of presenting my best self. Interviews are no joke: dressing to impress, trying to recall all of your vast work experience to fit into one perfectly worded response to the rapid-fire questions coming across the conference table, and anxiously waiting to hear back from the one job you really want (and, of course, hearing back from the job you’re only so-so about two hours after you leave).
Finding a job is serious business. If you’re good at the initial first impression game, you have lots of offers, even if your qualifications are sub-par. If you can’t interview well, sometimes you are passed by for someone with more flair. Knowing how to play the game is crucial if you really want to get ahead.
These observations instantly reminded me of dating. Finding a partner is one big interview process that can be intriguing and exciting but also exhausting and disheartening. And the exact same parameters for success apply.
When you’re dating, you make sure you make up your face perfectly and wear the top that shows off just enough cleavage to be interesting, but not enough to be slutty. You try to come up with clever and witty responses to their questions, and you anxiously wait by the phone for them to text (but sadly, usually only getting 5 in a row from that one guy from that one bar who won’t leave you the hell alone).
This begs the question: what’s the difference between someone who gets the job, and someone who is sent the polite “thank you but no thanks” e-mail? What differentiates between someone whose call is eagerly awaited and someone whose very name on the screen initiates an eyeroll and a screenshot?
Marketing matters. The candidate who comes across as knowledgeable, friendly, and confident, even if she is shaking in her proverbial boots, is the person who will receive the offer. Likewise, the guy who goes after what they want without any hesitation and puts out the vibe that they know the other person will like them will usually get the giggle, sideways glances, and beaming smiles from the girl they are pursuing.
However, this is a double-edge sword in both scenarios. Sometimes confidence can cross the line into arrogance. No one, either in the professional and dating worlds, wants to be around an egomaniac. Trying to downplay things, though, can be equally as off-putting. While reaching the Goldilocks sweet spot can be tough, it is the attitude that wins the offer letter AND the 2 second text response.
Authenticity matters. Even if people aren’t as in tune with their inner psyche as they should be, we usually can tell when something is off. As humans, we want to know that we are surrounded by trustworthy human beings both on the job and in our romantic relationships. Authenticity means being true to your likes and dislikes, what you need, and not being afraid to show your whole self.
Nonetheless, this again needs to be tempered with common sense. Just because you prefer casual dress at the workplace doesn’t mean you should show up to an interview in jeans. Likewise, just because you enjoy frozen TV dinners more than fine dining doesn’t mean you should take your date to Chipotle the first time around. Our BEST authentic self should be what we present, not our ’20 years in the same job’ self or ‘thrifty, cutting corners’ self.
Preparation Matters. Believe it or not, there are some people who show up to an interview with no idea of what the company stands for or what makes it unique. Likewise, there are people who ask for a first ‘date’, only to end up dilly-dallying around because they made no plans beforehand. Interviewers want to know that you have done your homework and that you actually want to work THERE versus ANYWHERE. Girls want to know that you care enough about the date to take the time to set up a dinner reservation. Doing your homework may not guarantee an A on the test, but it will give you a hell of a better shot than just winging it.
Ultimately, you can market yourself impeccably, be true to yourself, prepare to the Nth degree, and still not get a callback or a second date. Sometimes, there was a superior candidate. Other times, it just wasn’t the right fit. While either scenario sucks, it’s also a relief to know that you are still free to find the perfect fit for YOU, whether it be a job with more flexibility or a partner who just gets you.
Opportunities in life are just that: opportunities. Just because one doesn’t take off the way you imagined or hoped doesn’t mean that you are forever doomed. In most cases, people looking back on their lives at chances that didn’t work out for some reason (OTHER than lack of effort) feel that they were the recipient of something much better later on.
And so, whether you are searching for a job or searching for a soulmate, don’t tie yourself to one image of what you *think* you want. Give your all and take every chance that you think might pan out, but don’t spiral into despair over a rejection letter or a flopped date. In the end, if you play your cards right, the best things in the world will fall into your lap, and you will thank the stars for every experience that led you to that point.