When Do You Know?

Something I’ve been giving a lot of thought to lately is KNOWING.  Specifically, when do you know you’ve found the right person?

This subject is of particular interest to me because a) I’ve been dating someone for a couple of months now (which means they’ve made it past the first 3 dates, a feat few have managed to do), and b) I am a divorcee, so the last thing I want to do is marry the wrong person, again.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself that dating someone for a couple of months is hardly cause for wedding bells, and you’d be right.  BUT, my own parents got engaged after 3 months.  And I chatted with someone a couple of months ago (the same night I met the guy I’m dating, actually), who eloped with her husband after just a month and a half of dating and they now have a gorgeous little girl.

And on the other side of the spectrum, there have been couples who date for years and end up breaking up.  Or remained friends forever and then ended up together.  How come they couldn’t tell for eons?  Or maybe they could and just ignored the signals.

Either way, the prospect of committing yourself to someone FOR LIFE is a daunting yet incredibly exciting prospect.  However, it is not one that you want to fuck up.

Normally, when I write a blog post, I kind of have an answer or an idea in mind when I broach a question.  But this one eludes me.

And maybe, that’s the point.  Maybe there is no right way of knowing.  Maybe if you know after a month and a half, that’s ok for you, and if you don’t know until a year later, that’s ok too.

Our focus then, perhaps, should not be on the timeline of knowing but rather the content of the knowledge.

In other words, does he (or she) listen to you?  Obviously care about you?  Communicate to you?  Enjoy some of the same things as you?  Actively try to make your life better?

And more importantly than anything that he or she does for you, do you feel like YOU want to do things for THEM?  Do you want to give them a back rub just because?  Do you want to listen to how their day went?  Do you want to surprise them with their favorite meal?

This is critical because anyone can want to do things for you, but if you don’t both feel that way towards each other, it’s not going to be a happy relationship.  Relationships only work when BOTH people are actively trying to make the other person more happy than they are trying to make themselves.

In my experience, I know I’m smitten with a guy when I will do anything I can think of to make him happy.  However, with the exception of the current guy I’m dating (so far), I never found anyone who reciprocated that feeling and subsequent actions.  This inevitably led to feelings of resentment or sadness which led to a renewed pursuit of trying to make him want to return my desire.  Obviously, though, that never happened because you can’t make someone feel something they don’t feel.

The most annoying yet poignantly beautiful thing about life is, however, that everything is revealed right when it’s supposed to be and not a moment before.  Of course, we can choose to ignore such revelations, but keeping our mind and eyes open to the things the universe is trying to tell us is the best way to achieve a fulfilling life.

So, if you are still searching for your better half or wondering if the person you are with is it, just observe and the answer will reveal itself to you in due time.  You just have to make sure that you’re watching closely enough to get the right message.

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