I was thinking back on the many different conversations that I’ve had with the various men that I’ve dated or simply talked to in passing. One of the things I was remembering recently was how one guy had said that he wouldn’t want his girlfriend talking to her friends about the relationship at at all. Apparently, his past partner had done so and it had severely altered the way she thought about him and ultimately their relationship ended—not all because of that, but it did contribute.
Now, the first thing that this brings to mind is, of course, that the guy wasn’t a good guy and the girl’s friends were just looking out for their girl. However, I know a bit about the background of the situation, and this is not the case in this instance. The girl in question was questionable, and therefore so were her friends. (Which, of course, leads to the question of why a good guy would date someone like that, but that’s a whole other blog post.)
That experience aside, I’d say that, personally speaking, a girl’s girlfriends are actually a good man’s secret weapon, and here’s why:
ONE: They are the coffee filter that keeps the grounds out of your delicious cup ‘o joe. There have been so many times where I have been irritated at something my guy has done, be it not responded to my text fast enough, or said something that I consider insensitive, or just did something that caused me to take a hard pause and inhale a deep, DEEP calming breath. In the majority of those moments, rather than go off on him like a crazy person, I usually have a rapid-fire text vent session that looks something like this:
H: “Oh my God I texted him THREE HOURS ago and he STILL hasn’t responded. I hate men”
F: “Omg seriously that’s so annoying!!!!!!”
H: “I know!! He’s been on Instagram so I KNOW he’s on his phone. Seriously. Why are men like this. Ugh”
F: “Ughhhhh that’s the worst.”
H: “I swear to god if he doesn’t respond like ever I’m going to be so mad”
H: “Ok nevermind he just texted me haha *heart eye emoji*. I love him”
There are literally HUNDREDS of occasions where I have blown up at my man. Except, because of the fact that I have girlfriends to talk to, these occasions never reach his awareness. Which is a blessing, because if a girl likes you, she’s got a little crazy in her that’s gotta come out SOMEhow. So, men, if your girlfriend is always talking to her friends, you should probably send them a thank-you card.
TWO: We actually listen to them when they tell use we’re being ridiculous. If I am having an argument with my man, and he DARES to say that I am being anything but 100% right, I immediately gather ’round my offended feelings and best pouty face. However, if I tell my girlfriends about an argument or something that bothers me, and they say that I was probably in the wrong, I will groan and feel the sting, but I will be much more open to accepting fault and reflecting on my own actions, especially because I don’t feel directly accused and I know that they don’t have anything invested in the outcome.
Having a third party weigh in on EVERYTHING is not advisable, but having a second opinion when the first one is so completely emotionally invested in the outcome is usually a good thing, IF that second party is reliable and logical. (As a caveat, this list only holds water if the friends fall into that category.)
THREE: They have our best interest in mind. If your girl is one of those who gets a new group of girlfriends every six months, this does not apply (and you should probably rethink your romantic choices). But if your girl has had these friends for a long time, who have shared multiple life experiences with her, and who you can see she goes above and beyond to keep in her life, these individuals share a bond that is special. A girlfriend is one of the strongest bonds a female will have in her life, because there are no strings attached. No sexual tension. No expectations to provide or make sure life is being optimized. It is simply the enjoyment of each other’s company, and the continued choice to keep that company close.
When you reach that state of contentment and love in each other’s company, there is no question that any advice or real, true talk will ultimately be geared towards each other’s best outcome. There is a selflessness between true girlfriends that needs to be cherished and nurtured, and above all recognized and given respect.
So, gentlemen, I hope that you can approach girls night with a slightly different outlook than may have had before. We NEED our girl time, and I promise, if you give her that freedom, the good ones will give it right back. Everybody wins. And who doesn’t like to win?