Why Friendship is so Important

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I am a very relationship oriented person.  I love the connections that I make on any level, and I am very dedicated to seeing my closest relationships grow and flourish.  However, I haven’t really realized how important true friends are until lately.

Today, I was telling my best friend about some heart-wrenching revelations that were made apparent to me by certain circumstances this morning.  Without skipping a beat, she said “ya need me to kill him?  I’ll be right over.”  We laughed and moved on, but the sentiment was clear: she has my back.

Beyond hypothetical murder, my best friend has been there through it all.  We live an entire country apart and she’s seen me through a mistaken marriage, a much-needed divorce, a sketchy re-establishment of my single self, and several other relationships that ended with heartbreak.  Not to mention several moves across state lines, job hunts, and just recently being laid off.

Not once have I felt like she wanted to get rid of the friendship.  Not once has it crossed my mind that it would be easier to just let our relationship fade into yearly Facebook greetings and random “how are you?” texts.

We are solid.  And in a world of uncertainty, there is nothing more important than knowing 100% for sure that someone, somewhere out in the wildly rolling waves of life, is keeping the lighthouse lit just for you.

Friendship, real, true friendship, is a priceless gift that cannot be sold for any price.  So, what is real friendship and why is it so important?

Real friendship is honesty.  Honesty in all of its forms.  I once asked my friend “do you think my shorts are too tight?”  She answered to the affirmative in record time.  They have also made their feelings quite clear on how I was treated in various relationships while still allowing me the freedom of making my own decision.

Honesty is giving the gift of our pure, unadulterated thoughts.  Having honesty in our lives is incredibly important because it is only when we see our surroundings clearly that we change or enhance them.  This quality in a friendship is necessary in our daily lives because when we are able to completely open up to someone else, we can completely accept ourselves.

Real friendship is trust.  One of my friends has reason to mistrust her man, but the thought of having to watch him with me has never once crossed her mind.  She knows without a doubt that I would never in a million years do something to betray her trust in that matter.  I share an Amazon Prime account with one of my friends, and never once has the thought occurred to me that she would use my card or do anything underhanded with the information.

If you have trust with someone precious to you, that covenant needs to be protected at all costs.  So many times we focus on having certainty in romantic relationships, but having a relationship unfettered by romance yet still safely anchored in utmost confidence is priceless.

Real friendship is support.  God knows how many times my friends have heard me rant and rave about how this or that isn’t fair, or about how this coworker hurt my feelings, or about how he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.  Never once have they made me feel like they aren’t 100% on my side.  Sometimes, being on my side means reeling me back in and making me realize that I’m being a bit ridiculous, but they always bring me down with love.

Having a support system in your life is so. completely. necessary.  We love to think that we can do it all, but the hard truth of the matter is we cannot.  Or, rather, we cannot if we wish to stay sane.  People who are there for you in your darkest, most pathetic hour are the individuals who make up the foundation of your life.  If that stone isn’t pure, the whole thing crumbles.

Real friendship is laughter.  I cannot tell you how many times I have laughed until tears ran down my face and my abs nearly cracked from being contracted for so long.  I have sat with my friends and burst into giggles over the stupidest memes and the most relatable stories, and inserted hilarity in the place of tears on so many occasions.

Laughter is such an amazing release, and if you cannot truly laugh until your air supply runs dangerously low with another person, you are not completely living.  In order to completely experience life, we need to share all emotions with another person, and gaiety is the best emotion to share.

If you do it right, your true friends are going to be with you for life.  No matter the status of any other relationship in your life, friends are the pilings on which our pier is tied.  No wave, no matter how wild, can knock down something solid.  And no pier, no matter how beautifully fit together, can last without a sturdy steadiness beneath it.

Our relationships in life are our only lasting legacy.  While we are alive, our true friends are our main source of sanity, issue reality checks, hand over tissues, contribute to late night musings, and overall make our lives enjoyable.  If you’re smart enough to make these relationships a priority, they will give you back tenfold on your investment.

So relish in your wine nights.  Share secrets.  Listen.  Be there when the universe is crumbling at their feet and beside them when they conquer the world.  Love them.  Appreciate them.  Keep their confidences and let them keep yours.  Support them.  Don’t be afraid to need them.  Together, the world will unfold before you.  And when it does?  Hand in hand, go kick some ass.

 

The Three Most Annoying Words in the English Language

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I had a nice little chat with two different friends yesterday.  I was detailing the horrors of the end of the school year, and lamenting that I wasn’t as far along with my real estate classes as I would like.  I was, of course, expecting the sympathy to start rolling in–HA.  I should have known better.

They both, in so many words, said “Sounds like a bunch of excuses.”

This, obviously, was the exact opposite of what I was wanting to hear.  Aw man, that sucks!  Yeah, you definitely have your plate full, I wouldn’t be that far along either.  That is completely understandable.  THAT’S what I wanted to rain down upon my ears.

But instead, I got “quit slacking”.  “It all comes down to you.”  “Sounds like you aren’t working hard enough.”  So that was cool. *insert sarcasm*

But the most annoying part…the part that sucks….the part that I hated to admit was:

They were right.

I DIDN’T actually have any excuses.  I legitimately was kind of being a slacker.  And as much as I like to think of myself as a driven person who won’t quit until success is reached, I kinda sorta have to admit that lately, that hasn’t been the case.

“You are right”.  Those three words can cause even the most seasoned life veteran to cough and stutter before spitting them out.

No one likes to hear that they are wrong.  They especially don’t like to learn that they’re wrong in a direct, straight-to-the-point matter.  With witnesses.  And it SUCKS to have to swallow your pride and admit your downfalls to yourself, much less to the person casually pointing them out.

I know that if I were to have talked to any of my other friends, I would have gotten what I wanted-soothing words of affirmation that would assure me that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing, and I should just keep on keeping on.

And yet, I feel that this would have been a disservice to me.  We don’t need people to encourage us to keep curling the 5 lb weights that obviously are a better fit for the tiny 80 year old woman in Silver Sneakers class.  We need people who are going to yell in our face as we struggle to put up the 20 lb shoulder press, and encourage you to go for that last rep before our arms fall, exhausted, but our pride swells, elated.

Of course, this last metaphor would be a lot more effective if you’re being yelled at by a 220 lb jacked trainer rather than your 115 lb friend who loves Zumba and Yoga.  Likewise, we need to have those friends in our lives who are living what they push us to do.

The two friends who called me on my shit?  Both male.  Both extremely hard-working.  Both putting in long hours towards their differing goals, so much so that most people would think them slightly nutty.  Both headstrong, very smart, and driven from within to succeed.

So yes, it was extremely annoying to have to admit that they were right.  But I would rather have friends who push me to my breaking point and help me reach beyond rather than ‘friends’ who are content floating down the Lazy River.

“You are right” are the three most annoying words in the English language.  But they are also the most necessary words to hear in order to move forward with your life and your goals.  If you never feel the need to admit that you were wrong about something, then you have never felt the impact of growth.

Growing.  Changing.  Evolving.  These are all symptoms of realizing that we do not know everything, and we are better than our excuses and previous mindsets.  If the people that you surround yourself with have never ever made you say those annoying words, than you need to find yourself some other friends and mentors.

Flourishing as a person is not easy.  But it is infinitely better to go through the pain of mental reorganization and realization of temporary failure than it is to skip blithely along with the mindset of your youth unchallenged.

“You are right” is annoying only because of our pride.  Set aside your ego, and those words become words of discovery, words of new beginnings, and words of positive change.

In today’s society, we have become so accustomed to others patting us on the back with a ‘there there’ and moving on that we instantly become offended when people try to point out how we could improve.  Straight-shooters are seen as assholes.  Individuals who keep it real are snubbed.

But stop and think about it.  Who really cares about you?  The person who nods their head and agrees externally while rolling their eyes and shaking their head on the inside?  Or the person who stops you in your tracks and says ‘wait a minute dude, you’re selling yourself short’.  I know who I’d want on my team.

So challenge yourself to truly see what you are.  Call yourself on your own shit.  If you actually care about the people around you, be (wo)man enough to call them out when they aren’t serving themselves well.  The quick slice of a knife always heals faster and less ugly than the slow degradation of flesh.  And the sting of reality is substantially better than the suffocating cloud of self-deception.

Embrace the annoyance.  Relish the feeling of those words on your tongue.  Love the effect of pushing yourself to constantly be more.  At the end of the day, the moment of irritation and ego deflation will fade away in the bright light of fulfillment, and you will thank god that someone took the time to call you out.

 

The Hard Lessons Stick

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Once you get past a certain age, you tend to think that you have pretty much completed the “School of Hard Knocks” curriculum.  The difficult lessons that made adolescence and young adulthood so tumultuous seem a part of the distant past, and your strides start to become a little big bolder now that your confidence has leveled up.

This is all great, until you take one of those bold steps right into thin air and find yourself flailing like a startled chicken all the way onto the cold, hard ground of reality.

This week, I learned one of those hard lessons.  Since starting the interview process, I’ve switched over to using my blog e-mail.  I was proud that I had a real, professional-looking e-mail attached to my very own website.  I credited myself as the author of the site in my e-mail signature.  And with those two deft yet devastating choices, I wrote myself out of a potential job offer.

You see, the last blog post I wrote was by far my most popular post.  It received over 150 views, and it reached over 1,000 people on my Facebook page, garnering several positive comments along the way.

That last blog post was also about sex.  It clearly lived up to the stereotype that sex sells.  And even though the message upheld the position that sex is to be respected, the content was deemed controversial enough that a scheduled observation was canceled.

I was devastated.

Being told that my blog was something that made me unworthy of a certain position felt like a slap in the face.  The few people that I told at my school site expressed shock and sympathy.  And eventually, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t the best fit for that site.

But this whole experience taught me some fucking valuable lessons:

  1. Know your audience.  Just because you are involved with/proud of something does not mean that everyone you interact with needs to know about it.  I have been writing my blog for five months now, and it has become something that I look forward to writing every week.  I am proud of my fledgling writing abilities, and I revel in the positive feedback that I get from others.  However, there is a place to share my pet project, and there are definitely places to keep it separate.
  2.  Be discreet when needed.  Don’t give others any information that could potentially be used against you.  If I had not been prompted by my ego to use my blog e-mail to apply for jobs, no one would have been able to find my blog, and my future job site could have remained in blissful ignorance.  If I had thought about it for longer than .2 seconds, I would have realized that I should probably reserve this part of myself for non-professional settings.
  3. Everything worth doing in life has a price.  I refuse to censor my writing in order to appease the great swathes of faceless people I MIGHT meet who could POTENTIALLY have a problem with what I’m saying.  One of my fellow blogger friends told me “I take it as a badge of honor when people are haters based on my writing.  It means I’ve done something right.”  While I am cut from a slightly softer cloth and would rather everyone love everything that I do, I am realistic enough to know that this is not the case.  If you never receive any push-back, you simply haven’t taken a stand for anything.
  4. People will rally around you.  This was a positive lesson that I learned; so many of my friends gave me support through their words and actions, and I received an overwhelming feeling of simply being loved by the people who matter.  When the shit hits the fan, those people around you who truly care about you will be there to help you along the tough times.  And those are the people whose opinions REALLY matter.

Looking back, it’s clear that the choice that I made was dumb.  Like, really dumb.  Like, why-on-earth-would-you-do-that-that’s-so-obvious-it-hurts dumb.  But it was invaluable because it taught me that I am still learning.  I don’t know everything yet.  I still have the potential to make massive mistakes.  I hate admitting these things to myself, but I have to bandage my pride and stride on a little wounded for a while.  It means that I have to carefully consider my actions without blithely assuming that I’m going to choose the right course.  And it means that sometimes, I might have to change.

As much as it sucks to have lost a potential job, the very fact that the stakes were so high makes it a lesson that will not be easily forgotten.  Just like a baby touching a hot stove VERY quickly learns that hands and flames do not mix, the lessons later in life that burn us are the ones that stick with us and fuel our moves to avoid that feeling in the future at all costs.

And so, we must embrace the times when we fall.  Children receive scraped knees only when they are daring to move beyond their limits.  And yet they pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and keep running simply for the pure joy of running.

Dare to admit when your misstep has caused something to shatter.  Dare to push back the flap of skin to examine the shard of glass resting in your flesh, and allow yourself to fully feel the pain as it is pulled out and slowly heals.  Most of all, dare to use that scar as a badge of living and a reminder that you WILL pick yourself up and keep going.

Because after all, life is a series of mistakes for everyone.  The hard lessons are only given to those brave enough to step outside their comfort zone.  So boldly step, thoughtfully reflect, and through it all cling to the realization that bone is stronger after it is broken.

 

Do YOU

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I have a million things on my mind that I want to blog about today.  And of course, knowing me, I am choosing the hardest one. But as I feel it is the most important one, here I go.

Last weekend it was pointed out to me that I have become less authentic to myself.  Not personality-wise; I am still the same positive, goofy, spontaneous, organizational freak that I always was, but I am in danger of applying other people’s ideas and life goals verbatim onto my own.  In other words, I am failing to take a step back and truly think about what I want for my life and unapologetically issue my personal stamp of approval.

Now, I feel that this happens quite a bit in life.  Parents are a big offender: Sarah wants to try to be an actress, but Mom and Dad want her to have a more stable life, so eventually Sarah takes on their thoughts and ideas as her own the more and more they preach about it, forgetting that she actually has a passion for the arts and not for inputting data.

I think the hardest culprit to discern, however, is the one that is the most subtle: the people around us whom we admire, with strong personalities and goals for their own lives who are charging full steam ahead.  Oftentimes, their belief in their personal project or path is so strong that they come across as looking down upon anyone not on that path without meaning to.

When you admire someone, you naturally want them to think highly of you.  And as the saying goes, imitation is the highest form of flattery.  But the thing is, if you are truly admiring the right people, they will want you to become the best version of yourself, not the second-best version of them.

It is only the secretly insincere individuals who crave followers; leaders want to surround themselves with leaders.

This realization that I had moved into fangirl territory was upsetting to me.  I pride myself on my strong personality, and I have always thought of myself as independent and able to carry my own torch.  The fact that I am in danger of losing my own personal vision for my life is heartbreaking.

This problem could be easily solved if I got rid of everyone in my life and had no outside people influencing me.  But that solution sucks, obviously.  No one wants to go through life alone, and it’s pretty much impossible to avoid outside forces unless you live out in the woods eating roots and berries and communing with nature.

So how do you keep those strong, admirable individuals in your life yet still stay true to your personal vision?

You have to have a personal vision.  Lately I have come to realize that thus far, I have had a vague sense of direction of where I want to go, but I have not taken the time to sit down and specifically map out what I want out of life.  As I have discussed in other posts, this is dangerous; a ship without a compass is pretty much just a bathroom toy subject to the whims of any giant two-year old splashing around in the tub.  You need to have a sense of direction, and a sense of direction only comes when you have a sense of purpose.

You need to be in tune with yourself.  People avoid actually getting to know themselves.  Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Orange is the New Black, and millions of other ways to entertain ourselves are waiting to be utilized at the snap of a finger.  Entertainment in and of itself is hardly a bad thing, but when it is used to avoid introspection and examining your life, it becomes a convenient set of blinders rather than a small moment of fun.  It is critical that you spend some time alone; not alone with your music or your books, but really, truly alone with nothing but your thoughts.  Who is this person you only slightly know as yourself?

You need to stop living in fear.  We are social beings.  We want to be liked.  And that makes us shy away from anything that may potentially end up in us being put in the outer circle of society.  But in all honesty, if you are true to YOU, people who are really true to themselves will recognize that and appreciate it, even if it is different from their truth.  If someone doesn’t care for your vision, fuck ’em.  People who don’t value an honest and true expression of intent aren’t the type of people who are worth keeping.  And it all honesty, it becomes so much easier to shed people you don’t want and attract people you do when you simply commit to your truth.

When we are not fully focused and committed to what WE want to do, we project other people’s judgement onto our lives before they even have a chance to, and for some reason allow this mythical judgement to influence us.

The cliche of ‘dancing in the mirror’ has come to represent freedom, self-expression, and self-acceptance.  It sounds hokey, but when you try it, you realize how much of yourself you are hiding from yourself.  Back in the day, I couldn’t even watch myself dancing for two seconds without being embarrassed and thinking omg, I look SO dumb and stopping–and I was alone.  There was no one to judge but me.  Why the hell did I care how dumb I looked?  I was looking at myself from an outside perspective, and I found lack because I had not embraced my inner truth that I just wanted to freakin’ dance.

When you take the time to get to know who YOU are, you become dissatisfied with becoming anything that doesn’t align with your desires for your life.  Take  the time to get to know yourself; at the end of the day, you go to your grave wrapped in solitude, and eternity is a hell of a long time to spend with a stranger.

 

Mature Communication

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Today my thoughts have been centered around communication and the vital role that it plays in every aspect of life.  However, despite its crucial nature, I feel that so many people either undervalue it or simply don’t put in the effort required to make it effective.

If you want anything in life, you need to communicate that desire.  When we are babies, we don’t shy away from screaming at the top of our lungs when we want food, comfort, or a diaper change.  While tantrums are not the most sophisticated form of communication, they do get the point across rather effectively.  As parents, we know that it can only be one of several things, and it’s a short process of trial and error before the ‘off’ button is magically found.

However, there are many people who dish out the equivalent of an child’s meltdown-screaming, silent treatments, insults-and a) they expect the individuals they are communicating with to go through the trial and error process in order to figure out what they want and b) they believe that this is an okay way to get their needs and desires across.

As adults, we need to be mature enough to admit to ourselves what we want and need, and kind enough to those around us to tell them those things in an effective manner.  It is not fair to anyone, be it a spouse/partner, friend, family member, or business associate, to expect them to figure out what the heck you are wanting.  No one should have to take on the role of Sherlock Holmes when it comes to their relationships.

So how exactly DO you communicate your feelings in an effective manner?

You need to decide first and foremost if they are feelings that actually need to be communicated.  There have been several times where I get annoyed at something that someone has done and I feel like I should ‘clear the air’ or let that person know that such and such bothered me.  However, if I sit on it for a bit, I am able to work through those feelings myself and avoid an unnecessary confrontation.  If I had flown off the handle at the first feeling of irritation, the problem would have escalated rather than slipped silently into the abyss of “stuff that actually isn’t that important”.

If the feeling needs to be communicated, communicate it in the way that is most effective for you.  For me, writing has always been how I express myself the best.  In all of my relationships, the most productive conversations that I have had have started with me writing a note or an e-mail to that person.  I’m not good at thinking on my feet, so taking the time to organize my thoughts in written form is extremely helpful in making sure I include everything I want to mention.  In my most recent discussion, the other person responded with a voice recording because that is how HE communicates the best.

Don’t be afraid to be unconventional with how you communicate.  The status quo of sitting down and hashing things out might work great for you and whoever you’re talking with—it also might cause things to escalate and completely backfire.  Exchanging e-mails and voice recordings might seem weird, but for me, it works.  Always go with what works for YOU.

If you are able to communicate what you need/want in a way that works for you, don’t forget to listen.  Oftentimes we are so relieved to finally be able to express what has been bottled up that we completely forget that conversations are a give and take.  You should want to know how the other person is feeling about what you say; perhaps there is something that you didn’t take into account, or something that they have neglected to transmit on their end.

At the end of the discussion, both parties should feel heard and feel good about the result.  And if that consistently doesn’t happen, then either your communication skills need to be revamped or that relationship is simply not worth keeping.  Many times people think that if there is an issue, it’s an automatic deal-breaker.  For me, having issues does not discount the relationship; it’s the communication piece that reveals if it is a solid investment or not.

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.  This includes communicating the good AND the bad.  If you only communicate the positive and sweep the negative under the rug, this is like living on a diet of sugar; it’s delicious, but not life-sustaining.  However, if you only focus on the bad and leave out the good, that’s akin to being on starvation rations; eventually, that relationship will look as bad as a wanna-be Instagram model.

You need to be able to communicate productively with each and every person who is in your life.  If you aren’t used to conveying things in a mature manner, it can take some getting used to, but once you gather the courage to approach it head-on, the results will speak for themselves.

Don’t go through your life stuck in teenage drama mode.  Figure out how you really feel, own that truth, and be able to show that to others in a way that invites quid pro quo.  Resist being sucked into immature exchanges.  And most of all, embrace how you feel without discounting the perception that others hold.  Be bold, be aware, and be open.

Enjoy the Ride

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I love reading successful people’s stories.  You can learn so much by observation, and books are a delightful peek into the mysterious realm of how other people live.  Case in point, yesterday I was finishing up the book #Girlboss by Sophia Amoruso, and one quote in particular jumped out at me:

“If you start out with the finish line in mind, you miss all the fun stuff along the way.”

I love this.  Mostly because I am so very bad at it.  If you know me in person, you know that once I want to accomplish something, I a) don’t stop until it’s done and b) want it done RIGHTNOW.

The funny thing is, I didn’t even fully recognize this ‘head down, full speed ahead’ tendency in myself until I was talking to my mom about something that I wanted to happen and it just wasn’t happening in the timeframe that I wanted it to.  She made the comment “yep, you always did want things to happen exactly how you want it to happen.”

Eye-opening.  Thought-provoking.  Slightly troublesome.  But overall a necessary realization for my self-improvement.

Being goal oriented and bull-headed is not necessarily an all negative thing.  If something needs to get done, and it’s not all smooth sailing, you want a little bit of stubborn ‘oh HELL no’ in you.  Knowing that you will do whatever it takes to accomplish a task is a valuable asset, and those are the type of people you want by your side when the going gets tough.

However, this trait has a tendency to seep into other areas of life where it is not so helpful.  For me, this is relationships.  When I know what I want out of a relationship, be it romantic, a friendship, or a work partnership, I fully expect these possibilities to be realized with little to no delay.

And this, friends, is where the negative side of this FULLSTEAMAHEAD personality rears its ugly head.  It’s all well and good to know what you want out of YOUR life and YOUR goals, but when there are other people involved, they need to be taken into consideration too.

People are tricky.  Push them too much, and they withdraw.  Give them too much space, and they leave you behind.  Finding the correct balance between the two extremes is always hard, and what makes it harder is that you might find the right ratio for one person, and then another person comes along who is completely different.

Knowing your personal expectations and why you have those expectations is a good way to start off any sort of relationship or journey towards a goal.  If you are putting in the honest, sincere effort to make sure you are making headway towards what you want, and that effort is being reciprocated or shown to be getting results, relax on the timeline.  It will get there if it’s meant to get there.

Many times we succumb to society’s ideals of what a journey should look like or when we should reach a certain destination.  Females especially are susceptible to this pitfall.  If you are making progress towards a goal, a life desire, or even simply just having fun, you are doing it right.

The concept of the journey along the way being the ‘fun stuff’ is such a valuable mindset to have.  Life IS experience.  If you are experiencing things, you are living!  There are so many different paths to chose, and choosing the path should be equally as exciting as reaching the end of the path.

However, you should not be experiencing the same things over and over.  One of my friends on Facebook posted a live video today talking about how we need to add drama (the good kind) to our lives so that we can have a bomb story at the end of our life adventure.  This is such an awesome point–who likes to hear about people who are boring?  Not me.

The journey towards your destination IS the drama, IS the fun stuff, IS your life.  How many times have you heard someone’s story and thought wow, that is really awesome.  I want to do something like that.

Guess what?

You can.  Absolutely, totally, 100%.

Everyone needs aspirations.  Everyone needs something to strive for.  Everyone needs to take the necessary steps to improve themselves.  And in the end, all people should be able to point to something concrete and say “I did that.”

But…the fun part is HOW you did it.

The fact that you are here, in 2017, in the exact body and location that you were given is mind-boggling if you really think about it.  Take advantage of it–make your life just as crazy, if not more so, than the chances of you being you.  Because when it comes down to brass tacks, there’s really no other option.

And so, without further ado…

LET’S RIDE.

 

Awesome Begats Awesome

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At this moment, I am sitting on my couch, basking in the memory of an incredible birthday weekend spent with people that mean the world to me, gallivanting around the southern half of California, and dancing the night away.  *sigh of contentment*

My birthday was amazing.  And if you know me, you know that I planned it out approximately 5 months in advance, invited everyone I cared about, and sent out hourly reminders until the day of.  There was no room for error, and I loved every single second.

On Sunday, I was discussing how awesome my birthday Friday was with someone, and I made the comment that it turned out great because I made sure that it turned out great, leaving no detail left to chance.

He offhandedly remarked “well yeah, but it probably had a lot more to do with being an awesome person.” *cue blush*

After my initial flattered response (sadly, it wasn’t just a compliment for me), we discussed how the people who are generally wonderful have positive and amazing things happen to them, while the people who are generally terrible have shitty and negative things happen to them.

In a phrase, you attract what you radiate.

This concept is nothing new.  I have read multiple articles on the topic, sayings like “your vibe attracts your tribe” are everywhere, and people are always quick to point out how someone caused their own downfall in one way or another due to their mindset.

And yet, it is rare that people actually take this truth into consideration in their daily lives.  There are so many times that individuals see something that they want and are flabbergasted when they cannot seem to obtain it or when it does not fit into their life.  If you want something out of life, first you must become attractive to that thing.

The biggest example I can think of to illustrate this concept is our relationships with other people, both romantic and platonic.  If you as a female are attracted to strong, intellectual men yet you are a party girl who just wants to get some dranks every weekend, you will not appeal to that type of man.  If you are a male attracted to feisty, independent women, you cannot be living with your parents and crumbling to their every desire.

If you want friends who are ride or die and will be there for you no matter what happens, you have to give that to them first.  If you want friends who can travel the world with you, don’t limit yourself to your high school bestie who has never left the hometown except for the occasional Christmas at Grandma’s the next state over.

People who are awesome want nothing but the highest quality out of their relationships, careers, and daily life.  They also tend to have universal traits: Kindness, passion, drive, consideration, and zest for life rarely are possessed by subpar individuals.

There are also things that could make someone extra amazing to one person, and be a total turnoff to another.  One random example of this is geekiness.  In my view, going crazy for ComicCon or the latest Star Trek movie is not my idea of impressive, and if I met a man who was obsessed with these things, I would not give him a second glance.  Yet for other women, this same trait would be their kryptonite.

Our life is created not by what we desire, but by what we offer.  There is a reason that I am not attracted to comic book nerds: I am the furthest thing from that myself.  However, if I want to attract the strong, confident, successful, fit man that I want to end up with, I have to make sure that I am embodying those things.

Now, people constantly change, and there is nothing wrong with desiring more than what we can give at the time, but if you are not making strides towards closing the gap, that opportunity or relationship will drift away.

If an opportunity or a person shows potential, it’s worth it to explore it to the fullest.  However, nothing will come to you with its potential fully realized, gracefully draping its fully bloomed self across your lap.  Anything that seems like it could lead to the Realm of Awesome will take effort.

 

This is why potential without action is useless.  There is everything right with seeing true potential inside or outside of yourself.  There is everything wrong with simply sitting back and expecting great things to happen with no effort.

If I had not taken the time to plan out my birthday to the tiniest minute details, who knows what could have gone wrong or what expectations might have been crushed.  However, because I acknowledged my own desires and took action to make it happen, I got to enjoy a magnificent day.

Every single person has the potential to be someone AWESOME.  But just as a medieval fire would not start without the action of striking flint to stone, your potential for awesome will not alight without you taking strides to make it happen.

Take time to cultivate the impressive parts of yourself.  Devote energy into investing in you.  And when you decide to fully hit the road to Awesome, you’ll find it’s quite easy to link up with others on that same journey on your way.  And once that happens, who knows what other amazing, breathtaking, wondrous things are waiting to transpire?