Just Jump

In the past couple of days, I have taken some steps to move me towards my recently reformulated conception of my future.  One of these steps included renaming my blog from “The Optimization Operation” to simply “Hannah Elizabeth“.  While this change was quite simple to do since my blog is still pretty new, it represents a shift in my focus that, quite frankly, is a little bit intimidating when I slow down and actually think about it.

The initial reason why I changed my name is simple: the former name was long and confusing, and my new name is not.  However, there is so much more to it than that.  By changing the name of my blog to my own, it represents that I am completely taking ownership of my content and my vision.  I cannot hide behind anonymity, and I am 100% responsible for any mistakes, progress, and interactions that take place on this site.

It’s all me.

This is a scary, scary reality.  But in a way, it is also freeing.  As a human being placed upon this earth at this particular moment, I am free to become whatever I want with the caveat that I actually work towards becoming that person.  Think about how awesome that is.  You can do whatever you want, you just have to put in the work.

Ah, there’s the rub.

You have to put in the work.  There is a reason that there are so few people who actually make it-no one actually wants to work hard.  It is innately human nature to desire, but also inherently mortal to choose the path of least resistance.  Most of the time, this translates to people envying others from afar while scrolling through their Instagram feeds for hours at a time.

You will receive nothing in this world that you do not earn.  And everything is earned by sweat, blood, and tears.

However.

Those drops of sweat, blood, and tears need to have a purpose.  There is nothing to be gained by straining against a brick wall, unless you have a true reason for knocking it down.  In order to begin, you have to know your ‘why’.  In order to know your why, your have to put in the brain-work.  Every single business, successful person, and amazing relationship started off as just a simple little thought in someone’s mind.

It’s amazing what our thoughts can do.  Your mind is your most powerful weapon and your biggest stumbling block.  It can cause you to push through anything that life throws at your or fold with a sigh.

I have a dream for my future that has slowly started to solidify in my mind, but it is so big that it’s frightening.  I had a moment today where I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought “What on earth are you doing?  You can’t do this.  You are in way over your head.”  And I almost allowed myself to continue indulging in that line of thinking, until I reminded myself who I was.

I’m the girl who moved across the county, twice, by herself, in just her car, and successfully found a job and a place to live seemingly out of thin air both times.

I’m the girl who was made chair of the English department after only 2 years of working for my school.

I’m the girl who got married way too young, yet still managed to overcome those four lost years of life to create herself anew.

I’m the girl who gets up at 5am for a cardio workout and stops by the gym after work every single weekday.

I’m the girl who simultaneously juggled a career, workout schedule, and master’s classes while still maintaining a semblance of a social life.

I’m the girl who grew up in a small Midwest country town  and now lives in one of the richest cities of Orange County, CA.

I’m the girl who takes pride in what she does.

I’m the girl who commits.

I’m the girl who will get. it. done.

I will not allow all of my accomplishments so far to lead up to a life of coasting in the middle of the road.  I have struggled my whole life, and the truth is, I don’t even know how to enjoy myself without a challenge to tackle.  The apple that you climb a tree to pick and then sink your teeth into as the breeze washes over your perspiring face tastes so much sweeter than the apple you randomly grab from the store bin.

Life is meant to be lived.  Right now, I am taking ownership of mine and building the foundation of my  future.  And as with all things that scare the sh*t out of you, sometimes you just have to close your eyes and jump.